Forgive and Forget

Pamela Rose Toyugan

Pam was one of the founders of The United Literary Advocates (2004- 2005,) a group formed by Literature Majors at Holy Name University which unfortunately died almost as soon as it's founders graduated. She used to carry post its at school and had a tongue piercing which was not very common at that time. 

Below is Pam's first contribution to The Mamangahagay.

We've been through this.

Do you remember how hard it was?

We got hurt.

I thought it was over.

But every time I pick on the scars

They still bleed.

I try to heal.

Do you know how I do it?

Well, I try not to think about it.

Forget that it even happened.

I put it behind me.

That's where it should be.

I try to focus on what's good now.

Do you know why I try?

It is the only way I can hope.

I hope that we'll be closer.

I hope that we'll be better.

I hope that we'll be stronger.

But I won't deny that I still cry.

Do you know why I still do?

I cry because you are unhappy.

You got hurt and you don't have scars.

The wounds are still open.

They're still bleeding. They still hurt you.

I know why they still hurt you.

Do you want to know why?

I'll tell you even if you don't want me to.

It's because you allow them.

You let them consume all the goodness in you.

You let the past catch up.

But we've been through this.

Do you remember how hurt we were?

The pain changed us completely.

But it didn't change the fact 

That there is an invisible chain

Connecting us. Saving us.

We'll get through this.

Do you want to get through this?

I know I want to.

I want to do it with you.

We just have to get through this together.

Just forgive me, please.